(Updated April 2026)

Theme: What is Mastering you?

Each of us experience uncertainty and the accompanying feelings of fear, freeze, and flight. It seems the more important the decision or even the task, the more difficult it is to move especially in today’s challenging landscape affecting both personal and professional environments. This week’s coaching focus is on mastery: are you still the master in your life or are you allowing yourself to be mastered? If so, how can you take back control?

Before we discuss steps, it is important to clarify the question. What does it mean or look like when something has mastered or gotten the better of you? For some of us, the first thing that comes to mind is an external trigger, but did you know that your own actions, vices, and escapes can cause you to lose your way? These can sap your energy and momentum, culminating in deep frustration, when you realize how far from the mark you have strayed. Here are some examples of the things we tell ourselves:

“I’ll only watch one more episode before going back to studying.”
“It’s ok if I miss this one time.”
“I’m not getting anywhere with this. Why keep trying?”
“There is nothing wrong with listening to my book on Audible! I only do it when driving and walking and in my downtime and ….”
“I’ll call tomorrow. I’m sure they are busy now and I don’t really feel like talking.”

Now all of these seem benign (Audible is my personal favorite!) because, of course, we all do it (I mean there is absolutely nothing wrong with listening to my book on Audible…). So when do these innocent moments truly become a question of concern? The fact is that once in a while, there is nothing wrong with taking an additional 5 minutes or day to rest in the way that we need. Yet, in those moments when we find ourselves actively, knowingly, avoiding the big decision or the small tasks in favor of escape, these minor moments of enjoyment begin to take on a sinister cast. They become a form of freezing and avoidance that slowly but surely begins to build a wall between you and the door of opportunity over time.

“These minor moments of enjoyment...become a form of freezing and avoidance that slowly but surely builds a wall between you and the door of opportunity.”

— What is Mastering you?

This brings us back to our question: what is mastering you? The focus of this theme is not to take away our pleasures but to provide clarity and guidance, support discipline, and establish consistency towards goals; using this time of uncertainty to sow the seeds of action that will reap rewards in the future.

Step #1: Identification & Acknowledgement

The LAD Social Emotional Competency Model

This first step is not so much about identifying the escape but what you are escaping from. It could be a big decision or decisions. For some, it is a wariness around workplace change or an avoidance of the novelty and complexity involved after a promotion. For others, it may be a choice whose pros and cons are not clear but both are impactful enough to err on the side of complacency. It could also be indicative of a deeper pattern that is resulting in missed opportunities and lack of consistent achievement. Recognition of this kind is all about self awareness.

Once identified, you want to acknowledge the emotions you are experiencing and the psychological mechanisms of escape you are employing before the physical behavior.

Often, the emotions we find underlying freeze and avoidance are FEAR, UNCERTAINTY, DOUBT, INSECURITY, and UNBELIEF. These all have an internal trigger that have an origin in your own history. The questions to consider:

What stories are you telling yourself about yourself or your situation? Whose voices and what narratives are prevalent in the story?
What comes up when you focus on a future of consistent completion? What do you notice in the review of your history of success (achievement repertoire)?
What habits are you noticing? What reinforces and entrenches those habits into your achievement repertoire? For example, one Coachee realized that with every success, they engaged in at least one cycle of self-sabotage before reaching success. It became a part of their achievement repertoire and was reinforced when others stood in awe of the retelling of overcoming conflict! The issue was that the risk brought on by self inflicted setbacks resulted in deeper and more severe consequences with every new goal, resulting in deep dissatisfaction and exhaustion associated with the pursuit of success.

Regardless of whether these behaviors are showing up in your personal or professional life, the outcome remain the same. As you sit in focus with these questions and the answers, you will feel discomfort. That is exactly where you want to be because it means that the truth is coming out. Here are some options to get support:

Relationships: If you have a trusted, respectful, and non-judgmental relationship that you can lean into, reach out and share with them. Capitalize on the safe space to release the emotions and get the comfort needed to keep going. If I’m your Coach, you already know. If you want me to be or need a safe space that will provide you with a few strategies, schedule a Deep Solutions Consult here: https://calendly.com/ladconsult/solutionsin60
Meditation and prayer: Cycles like these can be heavier and harder to undo, meaning you can feel like they are out of your control. When you are beyond your depth, focus on what you can do. Trust God to do the rest.
Positive reframing: Our brains like consistency, so a focus on changing habits (good or bad) can feel like a threat leading to harsh responses like anxiety attacks, seeking opportunities to numb the noise, shutdown and withdrawal, or an increase in the volume and activity of these behaviors. A soft approach will be to calmly reframe each habit through questioning or restating the ask. For example: Instead of “I have to stop listening to Audible so much!” say, “Let me put on the timer so that it shuts off automatically while I am working.” or “What strength do I already have to leverage or what one task can I complete today to make progress in this area?” instead of “I have to stop avoiding and just do double down.”

I’m looking forward to hearing your feedback. I’ll be back next week with part II of What’s Mastering You!

Original Post: July 2023

Always,